Finishing What We Start

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:14

I am not a finisher. I am great at starting things, but I always seem to leave everything hanging. I get distracted... or overwhelmed. I have projects from the past that need just one little thing or a simple fix that have sat around forever.

For the life of me I can't figure out why. It feels good to finish things. It especially feels good when we finish something and do well at it.

What if Jesus had only partly healed the woman who had touched his robe? What if He started raising Lazarus from the dead... and stopped to do something else? Imagine that He had only walked halfway up that hill to the cross... or if He had only sort of conquered death. I'd say it would be out of character for Him to do anything without doing it all the way.

If we want to be of the same character as Jesus, we should also be finishers. We shouldn't start something and leave it undone. We shouldn't do any less than our best. And it shouldn't matter if we WANT to do it or not. If God calls us to do something, it needs to be done. I know if I only did the things I wanted to do... well, it wouldn't be pretty around here.

One thing that God calls us to do is pursue holiness. He calls us to be like Him, and to model after His character. No doubt about it, Jesus is holy!

Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. Hebrews 12:14 (italics are mine)

But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; 1 Peter 1:15

I am the LORD who brought you up out of Egypt to be your God; therefore be holy, because I am holy. Leviticus 11:45

I find the idea that God calls us to be holy pretty amazing. First of all, if He's asking us to do it, it's possible. Second, it's not optional... He's asking us to pursue this and make it a priority. He mentions it quite a few times, in the Old and New Testament.

In the beginning of my walk with Jesus I thought holiness was just for Him. But look at the definition:

Holy - Belonging to, derived from, or associated with a divine power; sacred.

The Hebrew word for holy is "kedushah", which literally means "to be set apart for a special purpose" or implies "separateness".

So read the verses with the word holy in them, and insert the words "separate" or "set apart" or "sacred". Suddenly holiness seems more doable than mustering up the elusive power of perfection, which is how I used to interpret holiness. This is a call to be set apart for God's purpose!

But understanding what you're pressing on to helps. So does reading 1 Peter 13-25:

13 Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. 14 As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. 15 But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; 16 for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”

17 Since you call on a Father who judges each man’s work impartially, live your lives as strangers here in reverent fear. 18 For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, 19 but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. 20 He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake. 21 Through him you believe in God, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God.

22 Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart. 23 For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. 24 For,

“All men are like grass,
and all their glory is like the flowers of the field;
the grass withers and the flowers fall,
25 but the word of the Lord stands forever.”

And this is the word that was preached to you.

Holiness is an attainable goal. I feel like I can finish this. It's doable. Not easy, just possible. We can't stop when we're half-way there. And when we're done:

"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!' Matthew 25:23

Before I liked my job...

I wonder if God ever had days where He was frustrated with His children the way I get frustrated with mine. Right now I am picturing God locking Himself in the bathroom, fan on, shower on, singing loudly... yes, I've done that. And it doesn't help.

In the beginning of my motherhood, I had a love/hate feeling toward my role as a mother. I used to do everything I could to be apart from my children, even when I wasn't frustrated. I didn't know what to do with them. Sometimes they weren't very pleasant. They always needed me. So, I enjoyed my time at work and then I would push them to be with their dads or aunts or grandparents or whoever, whenever I could. But if you asked me, I would have given that obligatory speech about how they were the most important things in my life.

I'm not sure when exactly my feelings changed. I think it was a gradual realization over time more than a light bulb moment. Especially in the past 6 or 7 years...

Actually, under all the junk, I did enjoy being a mom. I was just ashamed to say it... I never saw anyone else enjoying their children. I always heard about how moms were glad their kids were going back to school on Monday. I was always hearing about "me" time, about moms needing a break, and about that coveted career! I wasn't going to be the odd ball...

So, God worked in my heart. Slowly. He took each misguided thought I had learned about being a mom and replaced it with His ideas. I thank Him for being gentle with me.

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. Isaiah 40:11

I'm not a perfect mom at all. I might never be, depending on whose standards you use. As for me, I prefer God's standards.

God says much about mothers and their children. How mothers love, protect, and desire their children is mentioned often in the Bible. The fact that children were desired in the Bible is one of the things that sparked the change in me.

Here I was trying to escape my offspring, while Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Samson's mother, Hannah, Michal, and Elizabeth longed for, prayed for, and sought out even one child! Talk about taking something for granted. I had no appreciation for what God had given me.

God calls children his most precious blessing.

I will make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and will give them all these lands, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, Genesis 26:4 (God speaking to Isaac)

Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate. Psalm 127:5

Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your sons will be like olive shoots around your table. Psalm 128:3

He will love you and bless you, and he will give you many children. Deuteronomy 7:13

Aside from our relationship with Jesus, there is no higher prize than children. Yet the world says they are an inconvenience... a burden... too much trouble. This world is full of lies, lies that make sense to our worldy hearts, lies that rob us of the blessings God has for us. I have been guilty of believing them.

But no more... Now, my husband and I will gladly accept whatever God has to offer us. As a matter of fact, we look forward to more children. And to those who say we are crazy or foolish:

Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise... 1 Corinthians 1:27

I quit.

I have been a non-smoker for 7 years and 4 months. If you've never smoked you make not get the full effect of that statement. I had an addiction. Now I do not.

If you've ever smoked (or had any addiction) you can appreciate what I'm saying here. Smoking consumed my life... yes, I did other things beside smoke, but it was always there, incorporated somehow. It dictated where we went out to eat, who we visited, and even took a priority seat in our finances. It was in my thoughts when I woke up and one of the last things I did before I slept.

Quitting was HARD. We tried many, many times. Even knowing all we do about smoking, I would have to say that many of the times we tried to quit... I didn't even want to stop. I enjoyed it too much. Eventually I was able to kick the habit when I prayed "God... if you want me to quit, then it's up to You. I can't..." and from then on... I didn't smoke.

Addiction is defined as being dependent on something, or having an abnormally strong craving for something. When someone is deprived of their addiction, trauma results. Trust me, each time I had tried to quit on my own... I felt the trauma!

Jesus is my addiction now. I am dependent on Him, for all things. I have an abnormally strong craving for Him, His presence, His love. And I would be horribly traumatized without Him. And it's a habit I don't want to break.

I wake up in the morning thinking about Him, and He's on my mind when I fall asleep. He is a deciding factor in where we go, the relationships we have, and even our finances. I pray that He will consume every part of my life...

Because, His Word says:

Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both youself and your hearers. 1 Timothy 4:15-16

If I am addicted to Jesus, if I depend on God completely... it will show on the outside. People who see me, will see Him. Just like you can smell a smoker a mile away.

And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. 1 John 4:17

In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:16

So... I'm an addict. But you won't see me at a Jesus Anonymous meeting. I want everyone to know! I have the hat, the t-shirt, the coffee mug, and the bumper sticker. I also have an autograph... written in His blood. I want it to show, I want others to know Him.

And I bet they'll get hooked too.

But my head hurts....

I have laundry to do... but my head hurts. Dishes are waiting, floors need to be mopped, kids are fighting, and I have a to-do list a mile long... but I have a headache.

Could I do that stuff anyway? Yes. But I can't seem to get motivated while my head is throbbing.

And I have to tell you, that if someone were to point out that I'm not injured enough to get out of the housework to me right now, I probably wouldn't take it very well. My head ache has put me in a foul mood. As a matter of fact, I struggle with my moods often and I try to justify my bad behavior with my circumstances. I make excuses why it should be ok for me to be miserable with people.

Do you do that? Can you behave just fine most of the time... until your circumstances are less than perfect? When things are difficult for you, do you take it out on the world around you? I do it more often thatn I'd like to admit.

What am I representing to the world when I let my circumstances get the best of me? Well, I am supposed to be representing Jesus. Day and night, good or bad... as a Christian... I am called to represent Christ to the world.

Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. Matthew 5:14-16

So, even when I don't feel good... I am called to glorify God. Ouch. I've really dropped the ball here. It doesn't say to let my light shine if I feel up to it...

The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. Luke 6:45

At our weakest, when things aren't going as well as we'd like, our true colors show through. We can cover it up all we want but if it's in your heart, eventually it will come out of your mouth.

Repent of this wickedness and pray to the Lord. Perhaps he will forgive you for having such a thought in your heart. Acts 8:22

Pray for a changed heart! There's a whole world out there FULL of lost people who have no idea what Jesus looks like. What if I don't look like Him when they need Him the most? If I cave to my circumstances I may miss an opportunity to be used by Jesus!

He told them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. Luke 10:2

I hate to say so... but it's not like everyone else is clamboring over the unloved, untouched, unreached people out there. Not even our brothers and sisters in Christ are flocking to them.

So if you don't reach out... who will?

Monkey See, Monkey Do

Two ideas have shaped the way I see myself as a parent. (1) Many of your children's behaviors are learned behaviors. (2) You (the parents) are the first representation of Jesus that a child sees.

Both of these ideas were convicting for me. Not only do my kids mimic my behaviors, good and bad... but their relationship with Jesus is directly affected by the way I parent them!

Obviously they all have their own little personalities... they probably aren't going to turn out like mini versions of mom and dad. But they will bend toward the behaviors we exhibit, the way a plant grows toward the light. Think of a plant that is placed on the window sill, bending toward the sunshine... often, even if we turn the plant around and it starts growing the other way, there is often still a permanent bend in the stem.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I've considered hunting down the parents of the people that I would like for my children to emulate. I'd like to ask them what they did as parents to make their kids turn our so well.

I don't think I need to though. We've already been given plenty of parenting instructions, right?

As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. Psalms 103:13

Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. Colossians 3:21

Or if your child asks for a fish, would you give him a snake? Matthew 7:10

These verses showcase how we are to interact with our children. I'm sure there are more... but there is also the relationship between God and His children to look at.

He is compassionate. He is encouraging. He is just and kind. He is generous. He gives us the best and gives it freely. He is loving, unconditionally. These are qualities He wants us to reflect to the world. And if our children never see the characteristics of Jesus in us, chances are the world will never see them from our children!

As parents, our children are our disciples by default! Disciples that are trained by example. If we want our children to be prepared to go out in the world with a hunger for the lost, we have to have a hunger for the lost. If we expect them to continue to love Jesus after they are out on their own... we have to love Him while our children are still our captive audience.

The purpose of our parenting should be to further God's Kingdom.

Everybody does it!

A teen's favorite excuse right? An accepted argument by much of this world. It comes in other forms too.

"All kids go through that stage."

"It's bound to happen sooner or later."

"Oh, come on! We've all done that."

"Nobody's perfect."

"At least I didn't kill anyone."

It's pretty safe to say that we all make excuses. What is an excuse really? I'd say it's our attempted justification for an action. But we forget that you can't justify something if it's wrong.

Your friends have been fighting for years, and decide to divorce. Instead of praying or offering help, or, heaven forbid, calling them on it... we say "It was bound to happen sooner or later".

Your teen stays out past curfew. Your well-meaning friend says, "Oh, come on... we've all done that". (In front of your teen!)

You confess to a friend that you can't seem to stop spending money on things you really can't afford. "Hey, nobody's perfect" is their only helpful input.

You accidentally ding a car in the parking lot with your cart... it's only a small scratch, but you leave. "Hey, I didn't kill anyone!"

This all reflects an attitude of worldliness. It is lack of accountability. It is permitting defeat. This world, our culture... and even the church has eroded the line between right and wrong down to a gray area a mile wide. And, even worse, once something is decided to be wrong... no one wants to take responsibility for it. It's always someone else's fault.

Why don't we care about right and wrong any more?! Political correctness? The relative truth movement? I think it's just our human-ness.

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God
Romans 3:23

That doesn't mean we're doomed to do no good though.

By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?
Matthew 7:16

God calls us to be a better example! We're supposed to be the people that the lost look to! People aren't looking for thornbushes... all they have to offer are thorns. Be a grape!

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 4:29

Looking the other way isn't building each other up. Ignoring problems isn't either. Being passive to sin won't help a friend. We need to hold each other accountable. We need to declare victory over sin together. But we can't do that until we are brave enough to point it out and call it what it is.

Sometimes that means we need to step out of our comfort zone and speak up, in love.

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
1 John 4:7

Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart.
1 Peter 1:22

Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent.
Revelation 3:19

If done in love, we will never regret speaking up. And when it is done prayerfully, God will honor it. But if it is never done... nothing will change. We'll go on looking like the rest of the world.

Do you know what causes that?

Last night we ate at Denny's. We like to go out once in a while... but much of the world still acts like we are a freak show. We're mostly used to it... but sometimes it's aggravating.

As we walked in... you see the waitresses fight over who has to take our table. Not who gets to, who has to. You see people counting... their lips are moving. I didn't know this a while ago, but 90% of the population can't count in their heads. The teens at the table start texting and giggling. I know they always do that... but...

We sit down. A woman walks past me... leans over and whispers "You know what causes that, don't you?" with a grin. I replied "Yes, and we're very good at it!" and watched her demeanor change. I watched how she went from thinking she was being cute to realizing she may have offended me. "Oh, I love big families, I think they're great" she said, and hurried away.

By the end of the meal something changes though...

Through our meal, I watched our kids...

We all said grace together, one of my daughters begged for it to be her turn. My oldest took orders and wrote down what everyone wanted before I could even get the baby settled. I watched them say please and thank you, share their crayons, watched the older ones help the little ones go potty without hesitation, watched them pick up stuff the waitress dropped, watched them smile chat with the people around us. I saw them fight over a spoon... and quickly readjust their attitudes with a small prompting from Dad. I watched them smile and laugh and share french fries... and watched our 10 year old stack the dishes neatly "to make it easier for the waitress". I watched them pick up under their chairs, almost without being asked, and offer to tip the waitress with their own allowance money.

The rest of the restaurant watched too. They might not have had the same feelings I was, but they saw. And by the time we left the place, something had changed.

A man walked out past us and half whisperd, half coughed "Good job".

The waitress gushed about how sweet the kids were, and helpful.

The older couple in the back gave us a thumbs up.

These were the same people I watched count under their breath and stare. The same waitress that didn't want to wait on our table.

It's sad to me that people aren't more welcoming of large families. Sad to me that people make assumptions about us. Occasionally we get a nice comment, but for the most part, it's either rude remarks or intrusive questions. Why do big families have such a bad reputation? Why do people always assume we are crazy, or miserable? Or that we don't know what causes it?

I'm starting to see it's not the reputation so much... I think it's that when we look at people that aren't just like us we start to compare ourselves. We all do it.

People think we are crazy because they assume they would be crazy with that many children. People assume we are tired and spread thin because they assume they would feel that way in our shoes. They assume we must be scraping by and barely able to clothe ourselves, that we must be deep in debt. Maybe they are having that trouble themselves... I have lots of opinions on that, but I'll save it for another day.

How can someone be happy for you, when they don't desire the same things you do? I tell you right now, if someone called me over to see their new car with fancy this and expensive that... I'd have to try very hard to be excited for them. It's not something I desire. Of course, I'm glad they're happy... but I wouldn't be as excited as they were.

Especially aggravating to me is the comment, "How do you do it with so many, my two drive me crazy". They usually say it right in front of their children.

How can someone see how blessed I am if they don't appreciate the blessings they have themselves?

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Psalm 127:3

Watch that you don't treat a single one of these childlike believers arrogantly. You realize, don't you, that their personal angels are constantly in touch with my Father in heaven? Matthew 18:10

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

When is the world going to start looking at children the way God does?

Squinting

What do you do when you can't see something clearly?

You squint.

The trouble with squinting is that your eyes are mostly closed. And if your eyes are mostly closed... you're not really seeing everything.

I do that with life when I just don't get what God is doing, I don't see the sense in it. I squint, trying to see the problem more clearly... but all I am doing is shutting out the big picture. Instead of a clearer picture I have focused intently on a problem. I've also taken my eyes off of God.

If my eyes are not on God I have stopped trusting Him. If He is not my focus, I have chosen another god over Him. What good will it do me to make my troubles lord over my life? If I turn to my problems, will they comfort me?

(from Luke, Chapter 12)

22 Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his lifeb? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

27 “Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! 29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30 For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

32 “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. 33 Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. 34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

It would be more beneficial to step back, open my eyes wide... and maybe even grab my glasses! Seriously, I need to be looking to Jesus! But I get caught up in knowing intsead of trusting!

And whoever sees me sees him who sent me.
I have come into the world as light, so that whoever believes in me may not remain in darkness.
John 12:45-46

It would be good for me to remember also, that God knows what He's doing. He's completely qualified for the job. No one has a resume like His. If I look to Him, He will not let me down. Just because I can't see what He sees doesn't mean I need to panic. Maybe if I stopped squinting and looked to Him I would see the whole picture. Maybe not, but I would have the the most important thing in my sight.

If we knew better than Him, we wouldn't need Him. I've yet to see a human that could handle a political office properly... not to mention that I can't even get through the day without messing up. And we think we have better solutions to our problems than the very One Who formed us? What dangerous pride! Didn't He say He would take care of us?

And I bet if we knew everything He knew, we'd still make the same choices He does.

You don't even know....

Have you ever heard someone say that? When explaining their troubles or situation they say "You have no idea" or "You couldn't understand". What about the things they don't want to share? The troubles or sins that are TOO evil, too dirty, too disgusting to possibly say out loud. They say "I can't, that's just too bad to share".

I've said it. I'm sure when people say it they believe it. I believed it.

But thinking that your problems are so mysterious, or rare, or complex, or unbelievable is pride. Pride isn't always a lofty characteristic. Pride can be an attitude of independence from God or holding onto the things that separate you from God.

Think of this "terrible" sin you might be holding on to. You don't want to tell anyone, it's embarassing. You "hide" it from God. How could such a good God understand such a bad thing? We all know He knows any way, but we fear the confrontation. We hold on to our comfort or our good name. We want to spare ourselves the pain more than we want to get right with God! We aren't confident that when He said He'd forgive, He meant it. We lack faith in His amazing grace.

Or... we don't believe He can fix it. We doubt Him. I personally have said to God: "Ok, you want this part of me? Take it... but I'll just keep on messing up like I always have before". Well, I didn't really give "it" to Him did I? I held on to it because I was afraid He was going to take it... and fail me. Ouch. Forgive me for my unbelief!

It's one of those sneaky ways that satan tries to get in there. Seeking counsel from other believers is a wise thing to do. If you thought someone would understand you, you'd find someone to talk to about it right? And if you talked about it, maybe you'd be helped... or comforted. Or changed. Obviously good. Obviously not how the devil would like things to work out.

But God wants us to share those things with Him. Don't you get tired?

Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

And share them with each other.

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:16

Not only did He tell us to share our junk with each other, He says it it will help!

I think we can all agree that a good ranting to a friend, or a nice cleansing cry on someone's shoulder does us a world of good. Just don't make the mistake of thinking that you can only share so much... don't buy into the lie that your "stuff" is beyond God's grace!

...But where sin increased, grace increased all the more. Romans 5:20

Our God is a BIG God. We can't shrink Him. Can't take His power away. Can't reduce His love. But we can refuse to let ourselves be changed by it. And I don't want to do that.

Buried alive!

This rusty feeling I have as I begin writing these blogs is a reminder for me that I am not the me I used to be. I used to be able to write so easily. Hours on end I could mark my brain down on paper. I used to fill up notebooks with my heart.

These days I am lucky to have an hour before the kids get up in the morning. Right now, as I type, they are still in bed... Truthfully, there are many things I could be cleaning. But I've claimed this as "my time".

So what about that me I used to be? Well... part of the old me is dead, and thank God for that! But the parts of me that God put there that make me who He wants me to be have been buried! Buried alive! Barely alive...

I think that very often, moms in particular, we let ourselves go. I'm not talking about elastic waistbands and bon bons either. We actually lose hope of holding onto the things we like about ourselves because there is SO MUCH going on. We end up feeling guilty for tending to our own needs. How dare we have dates nights with our husbands! How dare we sneak in a nap... or paint our nails. Or write a blog. I suppose, if you're a good mom you'll magically stop liking the things you liked before you had children. (<---sarcasm there)

I hope it's obvious that I'm not saying we should place ourselves first. The heart of a mother isn't even like that. But I know that God made us each unique, and capable of good things through Him, and that he delights in us. He never intended for moms to stop being ourselves. He made us! And, my guess is, He doesn't intend for us to be ourselves until motherhood, bury ourselves until your kids are a certain age, then hope you can dig yourself up and be yourself again.

Do you know what will happen if you bury someone alive and wait a long time to dig them up again? You guessed it. They'll be dead... and if you wait too long, they'll be unrecognizable. Do you recognize yourself any more? Do you look like you any more? Are you who God intended you to be?

God liked me when He designed me, and those things that make me who He wants me to be are GOOD things. Things that can glorify Him. Things that can bring us closer to Him.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

And I never should have buried those wonderful things. I pray that He will restore them!

He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me. Psalm 18:19

When I don't feel inspired...

Right now... I don't feel inspired. All the great ideas I had yesterday have left my brain. The didn't even leave a note to tell me where they were going.

And today I feel kinda low. Not depressed, really... just kind of like my heart is wandering in the desert. Like the Jews, I'm pretty sure this journey was a good idea when I left. But at this exact moment... I'm not feeling it.

So what do I do?

I'm going to praise Him anyway. At first... it feels kind of stiff and insincere. But if I keep going, I won't want to stop! I know, because I've tried it before. Praising God in the storms is goes against our flesh, but it is great therapy and I tell you: Do it and you WILL be blessed!

Thank You Jesus for my new house. Thank You that I can turn on the water and lights without fear for my life. Thank You that it's warm and dry. Thank You that there is room for everyone and everything I need here. Thank You for the yard which I prayed for. Thank You for the opportuniy to minister to the people around us.

I have to say... that feels a bit better, but was still kind of what I felt like I should say.

Thank You Jesus for my family and friends. Thank You for all the company we've had recently. Thank You for each one of my chldren. Thank You that you picked me to be their mom. Thank You for kisses and hugs. Thank You for the sweet things they say. Thank You for a husband who works harder than any man I know. Thank You that he adores me.

Kinda better...

Thank You Jesus for loving me. Thank You Jesus that there has been hundreds and hundreds of years of circumstances that came together just so I could be exactly who You want me to be.

Now I may be getting there...

Thank You Jesus for having good plans for me. Thank You Jesus for taking on all my junk, my stuff, ...my sin. Thank you for taking it off of my shoulders. Thank You for saying I don't even have to pick it up again... ever. Thank You for forgiveness. Thank you that even MY sins can be forgiven... even mine that I am so ashamed of. Thank You for redemption, and that my worth is in You. Thank You for walking up that hill and dying for me. Thank You for taking the beating. Thank You for the nails in Your hands. Thank you for Your blood spilled out. Thank You for saving me from sure death. Thank You for giving me a way out. Thank You for loving me enough to die so that I could LIVE!

Wow... guess I went and got inspired.

And I could go on...

He is SO GOOD. ~Breathe in~ I'm alive... PRAISE JESUS. ~Feel my pulse~ Wouldn't be beating without God ordaining it! ~Look in the mirror~ I am made in His image! He put a lot of thought into me. I am worth dying for!

I sure didn't feel like it when I woke up... but I'm going to try to go on today with an attitude of praise.

Psalm 22:3

But You are holy, O You Who dwell in the praises of Israel.

If He dwells in our praises, what a great way to be near Him all day long!

Psalm 34:1-3

I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My life makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble and afflicted hear and be glad.
O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together.

What do you do when you want something?

I know what I want my answer to be... but I don't always do what I want. Even Paul struggled with that right? “I do the things I don’t want to do but the things I want to do those I don’t do” he said. I don't know about you, but I find great comfort in Paul's example. I mean, he's ***Paul*** ...one of Jesus' best friends while He was actually physically on this earth. Wow. And he struggled. Wow.

Right now I am hopeful about something in particular and instead of falling on my knees to talk to my best friend about it, I worry, whine, feel anxious, and even get angry at the thought of not getting what I want. Why!? I really want to honestly say that my first instinct is to Praise God even when I don't get what I want when I want it. It should be my first thought right? I'm going to give me a break here... and say it takes training. And I haven't done the work. I've been spiritually lazy. I've done the work in other areas of my life, but ignored it here. I need to work on that feeling of entitlement that the world feeds us!

2 Corinthians 10:4-5 (KJV)

4(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)
5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

This is what I've used before with other mind struggles. And it's what I'm going to use again for this struggle. I want what I want very much... but even more I want to honor God and keep my relationship with Him solid! I teach it to my children too... when they have bad dreams, when they worry, when they are troubled with invasive thoughts, and when they get caught up in the world or tv shows or things like that.

When I utilize this verse I visualize it! In my mind I reach out, grab the thought (I picture them like black ribbons of smoke... sort of), clench it tightly in my fist. Then I throw it hard to the grown and picture myself stomping on it and crushing it with my feet. Visualization works wonders for me here... feels like something was actually accomplished. I'm not the kind of person who could just read that verse and feel better. (And I hope that's not "bad".)

Then I use another verse... because I feel like there's more to be done.

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—-meditate on these things.
Philippians 4:8

So then I visualize with this verse too... I picture a pitcher (ha ha, that was funny!) pouring out water into a cup. Filling my brain with things that are true, noble, just, pure, lovely...

...and then I begin to feel like things are better. Whining isn't from Jesus. Worry isn't from Jesus. Anxiety isn't from Jesus. Anger can be ok, but being angry at God for not getting what you want is childish. So I am going to work on casting down my whining, worry, anxiety, and anger. Crush them under my feet. And pour in pure and lovely thoughts!

I still will want what I want... but I will not let it consume my relationship with Jesus! For me, it takes diligence. (Which soooo goes against my short attention span!) Often I find myself thinking the same way even a few moments later. I have to repeat this over and over... but I know for the other things I've struggled with, it has helped tremendously. Some of the things I struggle with before... I don't any more... and some are still there, but less!

Praise Him for giving us tools to heal our selfish hearts. I am so glad my mind doesn't have to stay stuck where satan would like it to! Thanks Jesus...

A summary of the things you might find in my blog

I thought maybe it would be helpful to share the things I am fascinated with... then you all might have a better idea of what you might read in here.

1. Jesus! I love picking apart the Bible, the more truth the better. I like to get into the "deep" stuff or the "touchy" stuff, I am still learning so much. I wonder when I'll stop feeling like a new Christian?!

2. Being a mom. I never used to enjoy it. For a long time I was even resentful... but God has changed my heart toward them and I'll take as many as I can get!! I am still learning here too... I'd like to say I know what I'm doing all the time, but often I just go with my best guess! My children are such neat creatures and I love watching them learn and grow.

3. Homeschooling. I have some strong convictions on this... Homeschooling has been such a neat experience. I am finally getting comfortable with it!

4. Breastfeeding. I'm still a lactation consultant and I miss the moms I used to work with... I believe if people only knew what they were missing out on they might be more open to it. And breastfeeding has been a God-thing for me too... in lots of cool ways.

5. Normalizing pregnancy and birth. Being pregnant isn't a disease. Giving birth shouldn't be medicalized. (<---That word looks funny to me, lol.) So I'm a "natural" birth and home birth junkie!

6. I believe in faith healing. God still heals! I also love the idea that God made our bodies and this world in such an awesome way that we can often (but not always exclusively) rely on natural things for healing. We try to eat our best around here...

7. Being a wife. A struggling area for me! I feel like maybe that should be higher up on the list, but I'm not listing in order of importance.

8. Pro-life! I am SUPER-pro-life. I know God is too.

9. Other. Ha ha! I know other stuff will come up... but those are the things near and dear to my heart, or at least the ones that came to mind right away.

My first post!

I only have a few minutes... kids are waking up and wouldn't you know it, they are hungry!

I am excited and nervous to start this blog. I love sharing my thoughts with everyone, although I hope that's not prideful! I am nervous that I won't keep up with it or it just won't be interesting.

Not sure what I'll cover first.. I may just tell you more about myself :o)

God Bless!