Buried alive!

This rusty feeling I have as I begin writing these blogs is a reminder for me that I am not the me I used to be. I used to be able to write so easily. Hours on end I could mark my brain down on paper. I used to fill up notebooks with my heart.

These days I am lucky to have an hour before the kids get up in the morning. Right now, as I type, they are still in bed... Truthfully, there are many things I could be cleaning. But I've claimed this as "my time".

So what about that me I used to be? Well... part of the old me is dead, and thank God for that! But the parts of me that God put there that make me who He wants me to be have been buried! Buried alive! Barely alive...

I think that very often, moms in particular, we let ourselves go. I'm not talking about elastic waistbands and bon bons either. We actually lose hope of holding onto the things we like about ourselves because there is SO MUCH going on. We end up feeling guilty for tending to our own needs. How dare we have dates nights with our husbands! How dare we sneak in a nap... or paint our nails. Or write a blog. I suppose, if you're a good mom you'll magically stop liking the things you liked before you had children. (<---sarcasm there)

I hope it's obvious that I'm not saying we should place ourselves first. The heart of a mother isn't even like that. But I know that God made us each unique, and capable of good things through Him, and that he delights in us. He never intended for moms to stop being ourselves. He made us! And, my guess is, He doesn't intend for us to be ourselves until motherhood, bury ourselves until your kids are a certain age, then hope you can dig yourself up and be yourself again.

Do you know what will happen if you bury someone alive and wait a long time to dig them up again? You guessed it. They'll be dead... and if you wait too long, they'll be unrecognizable. Do you recognize yourself any more? Do you look like you any more? Are you who God intended you to be?

God liked me when He designed me, and those things that make me who He wants me to be are GOOD things. Things that can glorify Him. Things that can bring us closer to Him.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

And I never should have buried those wonderful things. I pray that He will restore them!

He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me. Psalm 18:19