Last night we ate at Denny's. We like to go out once in a while... but much of the world still acts like we are a freak show. We're mostly used to it... but sometimes it's aggravating.
As we walked in... you see the waitresses fight over who has to take our table. Not who gets to, who has to. You see people counting... their lips are moving. I didn't know this a while ago, but 90% of the population can't count in their heads. The teens at the table start texting and giggling. I know they always do that... but...
We sit down. A woman walks past me... leans over and whispers "You know what causes that, don't you?" with a grin. I replied "Yes, and we're very good at it!" and watched her demeanor change. I watched how she went from thinking she was being cute to realizing she may have offended me. "Oh, I love big families, I think they're great" she said, and hurried away.
By the end of the meal something changes though...
Through our meal, I watched our kids...
We all said grace together, one of my daughters begged for it to be her turn. My oldest took orders and wrote down what everyone wanted before I could even get the baby settled. I watched them say please and thank you, share their crayons, watched the older ones help the little ones go potty without hesitation, watched them pick up stuff the waitress dropped, watched them smile chat with the people around us. I saw them fight over a spoon... and quickly readjust their attitudes with a small prompting from Dad. I watched them smile and laugh and share french fries... and watched our 10 year old stack the dishes neatly "to make it easier for the waitress". I watched them pick up under their chairs, almost without being asked, and offer to tip the waitress with their own allowance money.
The rest of the restaurant watched too. They might not have had the same feelings I was, but they saw. And by the time we left the place, something had changed.
A man walked out past us and half whisperd, half coughed "Good job".
The waitress gushed about how sweet the kids were, and helpful.
The older couple in the back gave us a thumbs up.
These were the same people I watched count under their breath and stare. The same waitress that didn't want to wait on our table.
It's sad to me that people aren't more welcoming of large families. Sad to me that people make assumptions about us. Occasionally we get a nice comment, but for the most part, it's either rude remarks or intrusive questions. Why do big families have such a bad reputation? Why do people always assume we are crazy, or miserable? Or that we don't know what causes it?
I'm starting to see it's not the reputation so much... I think it's that when we look at people that aren't just like us we start to compare ourselves. We all do it.
People think we are crazy because they assume they would be crazy with that many children. People assume we are tired and spread thin because they assume they would feel that way in our shoes. They assume we must be scraping by and barely able to clothe ourselves, that we must be deep in debt. Maybe they are having that trouble themselves... I have lots of opinions on that, but I'll save it for another day.
How can someone be happy for you, when they don't desire the same things you do? I tell you right now, if someone called me over to see their new car with fancy this and expensive that... I'd have to try very hard to be excited for them. It's not something I desire. Of course, I'm glad they're happy... but I wouldn't be as excited as they were.
Especially aggravating to me is the comment, "How do you do it with so many, my two drive me crazy". They usually say it right in front of their children.
How can someone see how blessed I am if they don't appreciate the blessings they have themselves?
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Psalm 127:3
Watch that you don't treat a single one of these childlike believers arrogantly. You realize, don't you, that their personal angels are constantly in touch with my Father in heaven? Matthew 18:10
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17
When is the world going to start looking at children the way God does?
AMEN, GIRL! Fantastic post. We get that all the time, and there's been times that we've gone into restaurants and the hostess actually asked us if we were sure we wanted to eat in there with all those kids!! Umm... yes, we're sure. They ALWAYS change their tune before we leave though, and we'll have several of the staff and other patrons come over, almost every time we go out to eat!, and tell us how well behaved our children are (and that they wish their children behaved that well... in front of their kids, which drives me crazy as well!)
ReplyDeleteI don't think I will ever get used to all the comments and stare, but they don't bug me as much as they did 2 or 3 years ago. People don't understand because they were usually raised in small families where they were taught to to want only one or two children and that anything more than that was more than anyone could handle.